Grieving the Death of a Twin Child

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends The age, developmental stage and personality of the surviving twin will impact on their ability to understand what has happened and how they cope with this tragic death. They will experience a range of emotions. They might feel guilty that they have survived, or frightened that they will suffer from the same illness or condition that caused the death of their twin. Some surviving twins work and play twice as hard to make up for what their deceased twin is missing. A twin might feel they have to fulfil their own role as well as that of their dead sibling, trying to be two people, adopting some, or all, of the habits and interests of their deceased brother or sister. Alternatively, they may be frustrated at what they perceive as the idealisation of their deceased sibling, whose virtues are praised and whose less attractive qualities seem to be forgotten. They might also have to deal with changes in us and how we are coping. No matter how they manifest their feelings, the surviving twin will be experiencing a grief that is unique to them. Their reactions and coping mechanisms may be very different to our own. They need the opportunity to express their feelings of grief which may include sadness, anger, relief and confusion. While they need encouragement to identify their feelings, release their emotions and embrace their twin’s memory, this needs to be on their own terms. It may take some time for young adults or teenagers to open up about what they are going through. “Twins are together in the womb before birth and share that space, those sounds, those movements, as they grow and prepare for birth itself. It’s an unbreakable bond from the start. My identical twins were inseparable, they attended the same schools and shared everything, including friendships. The loss of one son to cancer left his surviving twin rudderless.” – A bereaved mother