One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends If you feel that there are financial difficulties, particularly over meeting the funeral costs, you may be able to organise a fundraiser, but be sensitive about whether this is appropriate. For practical information on getting help to pay for a child’s funeral, see: tcf.org.uk/payingfuneral Respecting the parent’s autonomy and offering help without interfering When a child dies, no matter their age or the circumstances, their parent will often feel a sense of powerlessness, as they were unable to prevent their child’s death. It is important for the parent’s wellbeing to find ways to take back some control over what is happening around them. This could be by making arrangements for their child’s funeral, or simple things such as deciding when they would like to go out for a meal, and so on. Try to bear this in mind when offering help, and respect their wishes and boundaries. Remembering their child If you have any photographs, videos, messages, or stories about their child, do share them with the parents, especially if they have not seen them or heard them before. It will be so reassuring to the parents to know that their child will not be forgotten and that they were important in other people’s lives too. However, it may be best to warn the parent before you do this as seeing an unexpected photo or video can be upsetting. The parent needs to be able to look at them at a time which is right for them. Don’t be afraid of telling amusing stories and occasions. Laughter may feel shocking at first, but it helps to put things into perspective by acknowledging the happy times with their child.
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