UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk DON’T Don’t ignore them because you are feeling uncomfortable and don’t know what to say. Being avoided by others adds to an already painful and isolating experience. It is better to risk occasionally saying something clumsy than to avoid them. Don’t let your own sense of hopelessness or fear keep you from reaching out to a bereaved parent. Don’t be embarrassed by their tears when you are with them. It is not you that has upset them - their loss has done that. You have just provided a safe outlet. Don't be embarrassed if you are overcome by sadness while you are with them. They know that it is sad. Don't offer "solutions" to try to make them feel better. Bereaved parents need someone to listen, not to try to "cure" them. Don’t change the subject when they mention their child. Don’t stop mentioning their child’s name because you are scared of reminding them. They won’t have forgotten. Don’t criticise their child, no matter their life choices or if their actions contributed to their death, and do not criticise their parenting. Bereaved parents are suffering enough. They do not need judgment. Don’t presume to understand their grief because you have experienced the death of an elderly relative, a pet or even a child of your own. Everyone has a unique experience of grief. Don’t tell them what they should feel or ought to do. There is no timetable for grieving. Each person has to do it in his or her own way. Don’t suggest that they can have another child if that is possible for them – another child could not replace the child who has died.
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