One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Don’t confuse grief with depression. There are no pills to treat grief. However, those with pre-existing mental health conditions, or who suffer prolonged and intense grief, may eventually find they need professional support. Don’t dismiss their pain by saying "at least you have other children." Children are not interchangeable. To suggest otherwise is hurtful and may even make them feel guilty for grieving as much as they are. Don’t imply that the death of a child brings parents together. This is not borne out by the number of couples who struggle with their relationship in the aftermath of child bereavement. Don’t talk too much about your own children and grandchildren, at least for a time. Be sensitive about this, as sometimes it is appropriate and they will not expect to be cut off suddenly from all news. Don’t try to persuade them to start going out and socialising until they feel ready. Small talk is often centred on enquiring about each other’s family, and this can be difficult. Being in crowds can be overwhelming. Don't take offence if they respond in unexpected ways. Anyone who has suffered a profound bereavement may find it difficult to remember things or concentrate. They may respond to comments or questions with uncharacteristic irritation or anger. This is all a normal part of grief and should not be taken personally. Don’t be frustrated because you want things to go back to the way they used to be and it is not happening. This is an unrealistic expectation. Their child’s death has changed them and they may never be quite the same person they were before
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