Living with grief

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk unpredictable in its timing and intensity. It comes in waves and often feels overwhelming. Gradually the interval between the waves extends, and the initial rawness of our grief begins to abate. In time, we will adjust to the thought of life without our child. However, even when we have reached a plateau of relative acceptance of this “new normal”, we may be surprised – even many years down the line – to be suddenly overwhelmed by sorrow once again. This is all natural. Facing the pain of grief takes courage. We need to talk about our child’s life and the circumstances of their death. There are good memories to be shared, although at first the pain of their passing, along with the devastation of unfulfilled dreams and shattered hopes, dominate our thoughts. We need to find ways of expressing emotions and coping with them. This may seem easier said than done; grief can often feel unmanageable. Allowing ourselves – and others – to cry can be better than bottling up our feelings. None of us expects that our child will die before us. The worst thing that any parent can imagine has happened, and grief is our right as well as our burden. Some of us need solitude and will want to process our grief alone, yet we may also find that talking freely to a sympathetic friend or another trusted person can bring comfort and reassurance. We may find ourselves turning to telephone helplines, such as those operated by The Compassionate Friends (TCF), or other national or local bereavement services. Support groups, whether in person or virtual, can help us feel less alone, particularly when we are able to connect with other parents who have been bereaved in similar ways. The TCF online forum, support groups and private Facebook pages are safe places to express our feelings and listen to the experiences of others. (See back page for details.) Coping with the intensity of our feelings We may be shocked by the intensity of our feelings in comparison with earlier bereavements, such as the loss of elderly relatives. In our worst moments, we may find ourselves depressed or even suicidal. We may want to seek professional counselling. Some of us may find we need medical support to help us cope, even temporarily.