Living with grief
UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk If our child contributed towards their early death, such as through reckless behaviour or self-harm, we may experience conflicting emotions. We might feel angry as well as upset when we consider the impact of their actions on the rest of the family. We may also feel guilty, wondering whether we did enough to keep them safe. These feelings are natural. The reversal of our expectations is shattering. Living with grief We will experience intense sadness immediately after the death of our child. We find ourselves reliving those days, constantly replaying the events in our minds. For a long time, our child is always in the forefront of our thoughts. There are reminders in all we see, hear and touch. We might think that we hear our child’s voice or see their familiar figure in the street. We still sometimes expect them to walk through the door; when the phone rings, we think it might be them. Then comes the yearning and the realisation of what “never again” means in our mourning. Some of us feel a suffocating weight in the chest, or a grey fog, an absence of colour in everyday things. We are lethargic or agitated, or swinging from one state to the other, losing interest in everyday tasks and finding it almost impossible to complete them. We may weep constantly, or be unable to cry. We seek refuge or oblivion in sleep, only to lie awake hour after hour. Our rest might sometimes be disturbed by vivid dreams about our child and we wake up unrefreshed. All of these experiences are normal responses to the loss of our precious child. Yet, slowly, almost imperceptibly, changes begin to take place. There are brief moments of enjoyment, even if these are followed by guilt. We should not feel disloyal to our child when we begin to laugh again. Living with grief involves discovering how to handle and channel our constantly changing emotions into activities which release the tension they create.
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