Living with grief

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Our child, remembered with love Many of us fear that we will forget the small details of our child’s life. We may wish to make a book or digital record, using photos, schoolwork, drawings, letters and family memories. This could also be a good opportunity for grief to be shared with any surviving children or other family members. A memory box can serve a similar purpose and may be more suitable for a baby or small child, for whom there are fewer physical reminders. This could contain photos, toys, small garments, a lock of hair, a hospital name-band or a toddler’s first drawing. Some of us have a cushion made from our child’s clothes, or have their ashes made into a piece of jewellery. We will need to prepare ourselves and find meaningful ways to commemorate key dates like our child’s birthday and the anniversary of their death. Some of us mark these dates with a new tradition, such as visiting a place our child loved. There is no reason why we cannot bring a birthday card or small memento to their grave or another special place. Christmas and other religious celebrations, Mother’s and Father’s Days, and even our own birthday can be very painful times – particularly if we have no surviving children. Some of us try our best to ignore these special dates; others find new and creative ways to get through these most painful times. It may be helpful to plan ahead. We may also want to talk with other family members and friends so they can understand our needs. We may not feel like joining in the family’s traditional celebrations or we might wish to start our own new traditions that reflect the changes in our lives. Surviving children, other family members and friends The death of our child changes us and in doing so, it changes our relationships and how we interact with others. In the early days of our bereavement, we might find chance meetings difficult. We may not be ready to explain what has happened and deal with the reactions of those we tell. We could try changing our routines for a