Long term illness

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends possessions, so that they become part of our daily lives and keep the memories of our child ever present. At some point we might feel able to donate clothes or toys to a charity which has helped our child or with which we feel a deep connection. However, there is no need to feel that we must dispose of anything before we feel ready. It is better to wait, no matter how long, until we are as sure as we can be that we will have no regrets. The death of our child may affect us financially. We may no longer be eligible for benefits such as Carer’s Allowance or Disability Living Allowance. If we are living in rented accommodation, we might have to think about moving, as the size of our home or number of bedrooms could now be considered excessive. All of these changes can be stressful. Within our close family relationships, we may discover, perhaps for the first time, that each of us grieves differently. We may have been united in fighting the illness, but coming to terms with the death of our child is a different sort of journey. If our child’s death has left us childless, we may feel our role as parents has been stripped from us, and that a part of our own existence has been destroyed. Life may feel meaningless, and we could experience deep despair and a loss of identity as a parent and carer. If we are single parents coping with our child’s illness and death, we may feel that we have to bear our grief alone, even when family and friends offer help. We may also carry painful memories of difficulties with our child’s other parent during treatment, or of arguments over access that have reopened old wounds. On the other hand, perhaps there was a welcome element of sharing throughout the illness which, when it is withdrawn after the death, causes additional sadness.