Long term illness

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk child’s illness, or setting up a Trust in their memory. These are important and valuable things to do, but they do not replace our need to grieve. For some of us, a return to work may give us a structure to our days, whilst others may find going back to work too difficult. We need to be kind to ourselves, to create time to be with those who love us, such as a partner, close family or friends, to nurture ourselves back to good health, to overcome exhaustion. The idea of enjoying a treat, or laughing at something, seems beyond imagining in the early days. We must catch and hold on to these fleeting moments of happiness when they appear, and not feel guilty that we can feel pleasure even though our child has died. Each individual has to find their own way through the paths of grief. Often well-meaning friends are full of advice, wanting us to “get over it,” and become our old selves once more. Yet we cannot return to a time when our child was alive and healthy, and so we are permanently changed. Some of us must also face our fears concerning the possibility of our remaining children – or children yet to be born – suffering from the same condition. Such fears may not be groundless if there was a genetic element to our child’s life-limiting illness. If we are in this difficult position, it can be advisable to seek professional advice and support, perhaps speaking with the specialist team that cared for our child in the first instance.