UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk We may find at this most critical time in our lives that some family members or friends are unable to give us much emotional support. Not everyone can cope with death. This can be confusing and hurtful, and we may feel badly let down. On the other hand, we may also discover that someone we hardly knew or hadn’t considered a friend shows us tremendous kindness and compassion. “It’s like I’m on a rollercoaster. I never know what I’m going to feel next.” Feelings of guilt are very common in bereavement, particularly when a child has died. We may torture ourselves with thoughts of “if only” and “what if”. The reality is that we loved our child and would never have done anything intentional to harm them. Many grievers also experience deep-seated anger that can suddenly flare up, sometimes triggered by seemingly trivial events, or directed at the wrong person. We may become less patient and less tolerant of others. Eventually we will find ways to manage the rollercoaster of difficult emotions and random thoughts, but this will not be easy nor quick. Some of us discover later on that it can help to look for a safe space to try to make sense of our intense feelings and troubled thoughts, such as with a counsellor.
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