UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk Remembering our children “I don’t want to forget my child’s voice, so I have collected their voicemail recordings.” Keeping the connection with our child through our memories is one of the most powerful ways of adjusting and coping with our very deep grief. It is up to us how much time and effort we put into this. It can be very painful, but somehow also comforting. We may want to create special spaces and rituals for remembering. Some of us visit our child’s grave, plant a tree in their memory, set up a corner of the home with their photographs or light candles. We may decide to make new traditions to mark important days like birthdays. Sometimes just talking to our child is enough. “I bury my face in her jacket. The scent is precious. There’s no way I’m parting with it.” We should not be in a rush to sort out our child’s belongings unless it is truly unavoidable. It may be better to wait until after the initial shock of grief has subsided. Even then, it is up to us. There are no rules or “bereavement timetable” about what to do with their clothes and belongings, even random small items. Their belongings might bring us comfort yet also bring pain, and quite likely we will feel a mix of emotions. We may eventually give away or dispose of some items, but others we will keep. For more on this subject, see TCF publications: • Remembering our child (leaflet and handbook) • Coping with special occasions
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