Newsletter only child Spring 2023

TCF Newsletter | tcf.org.uk 8 Walking and Grieving Eight years ago, after losing our only child, James, I desperately needed something to get me out of the house and distract me from the crushing pain of early bereavement. I had enjoyed walking for some years so I thought that perhaps going on organised, led walks, might help me. We all know that walking has been proven to benefit physical and mental well-being and I soon realised that being outside, close to nature or looking at places of interest was indeed starting to make me feel a bit better. Another major benefit was that the physical exercise was making me feel tired and often this helped me have a decent night’s sleep, something I hadn’t experienced in the months after James’ loss. My wife, Maria, found TCF online and eventually persuaded me to attend a weekend retreat. I agreed to go on condition I would not have to take part in any discussion sessions. I could not bear the thought of being in a room with other bereaved parents, having to talk and listen about the deaths of our wonderful children. I said I would take my walking gear, go out exploring the area and then join her at mealtimes. So this indeed is what I did except I hadn’t foreseen what was about to happen! One of the organisers approached me, “I hear you’ve been out walking in the local area. We have free time for various leisure activities on Saturday afternoon, how would you like to offer a walk for us?” My initial reaction was to shy away from this but, somewhat reluctantly, I agreed. And so, after lunch, a group of a dozen or so gathered. I took a deep breath, kept James in my thoughts and off we went. After a short while, we were walking through woods and alongside a river. It was beautiful. One of the group came to walk alongside me. After a few minutes of general chitchat they asked who I had lost. Soon I found myself talking about James to this very nice lady; a complete stranger but of paramount importance, a fellow bereaved parent. I asked her about her child and several such conversations were shared with others during the walk. Then, surprise, surprise, I found that it wasn’t just the walk that was helping but my conversations with other bereaved parents had really helped me too.