Our surviving adult children

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Keepsakes “I bought a tiny silver feather on a chain for my daughter in remembrance of her brother. I echoed this in a bracelet for myself, with two feathers: one for her and one for her brother.” Ania Our surviving children may want to retain some of their sibling’s possessions. Hopefully we are able to give them this option. We could also create mementos for them. A nicely framed photo or a printed photobook might be something we work on together or give them as a gift. A piece of jewellery such as a ring or a pendant is another possibility, and we could wear something similar ourselves. (There are more ideas in the TCF Handbook of ideas for remembering our child. ) Talking about the future After our child has died, it may feel difficult to even think about the future. We may have imagined that our children would share responsibilities or care for us as we grow older, especially if we are a single parent or have significant health problems. We may have looked forward to grandparenthood. Now, our expectations have suddenly changed, but so also have the expectations of our surviving children. They may be facing unexpected responsibilities, especially if they are now the only remaining sibling. We would not want our remaining children to feel burdened by the notion that they are solely responsible for us, although this may actually be the case. Although it may be awkward, talking openly about these issues and perhaps making some tentative plans for the future together can avoid future misunderstandings and anxieties. In conclusion The sad death of our child has changed the dynamics of our family as we all adjust to this massive loss. In the midst of our grief, neither we nor our remaining children will manage things perfectly. Yet if we keep the channels of communication open and show our unconditional love for each other, there is hope for our shared future. We and our surviving adult children may get to know each other in a deeper way, and our relationship may become richer. In time, we can find ways to carry our grief and honour the memories of our child, their sibling, who is loved and missed forever.