Our surviving adult children

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk The family structure has changed “My son was the life-of-the-party type of person. Very talkative, lots of jokes. Now, when we gather for a family meal, it is often quite awkward. His sister and younger brother have very different personalities.” Geoff The structure of the family has fundamentally changed. A surviving child may no longer be anyone’s sibling. Overnight, they may have become an only child. If they were twins, the death of their twin will have a huge impact. (See The Compassionate Friends leaflet on Grieving the death of a twin child for more on this.) If we have more than one surviving child, the age gaps and relationships between the siblings will shift and change. Every sibling in a family has their own unique role, which will have evolved over the years. Suddenly, this will need to be redefined, and the new role may be unwelcome. They may feel pressure to take on some of the characteristics, behaviours, or activities of their missing sibling, in an attempt to keep the family unit functioning. Our surviving child(ren) may feel the burden of new responsibilities. They may face a potential future of caring for us or other members of the family without their sibling’s help. They may feel that they need to shoulder the burden of younger siblings or be the main support for us, especially if we have no partner or spouse. Different experiences of grief “To be bereaved of our child is to enter a world of heartbreak and deep grief, where we struggle to find the ‘new normal’. Coping with the rollercoaster of grief can feel all-consuming.” Maggie Although there are many common elements in grief, we all grieve in our own way and at our own pace. Our surviving children may grieve very differently from us and from their other siblings. Perhaps we express our emotions openly and want to talk, but they prefer not to talk about it, at