Our surviving adult children

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk Friends and family Bereaved siblings sometimes comment that they feel like the “forgotten mourners”, as many people will focus on our grief as parents. Siblings may even be asked “how are your parents?”, and not asked about how they are. They may feel neglected, sidelined or unable to talk about their own experience. It may be helpful talk to friends and family members about this, and help them be more aware of our children’s needs. How are they coping? We will want to be aware of how our remaining children are coping following their bereavement. It may help to keep in touch with those who are close to our child, and ask them to let us know of any concerns they may have. Our child may appear to change: they may neglect themselves physically. They may become more inward looking or reluctant to socialise. If we are able, we can try to encourage them to confide in us how they are feeling and whether they would like more help from us. If they are reluctant to engage or we have a feeling (parental instinct) that they are seriously struggling, we will want to help. This may mean supporting them to seek professional help. If they refuse, we may feel that we need to do so on their behalf. Some bereaved siblings develop suicidal thoughts or feel that their life is not worth living now. As parents we will want to do all we can to prevent this becoming a reality. “After my son died, my daughter said that it would have been better for everyone if she had died. More people knew and loved my son, so she felt she would have been missed less.” Peter Some siblings feel guilty that they have survived and not their sibling. This can sometimes become a focus. They may choose not to reveal their feelings to us, although hopefully they do have other safe and supportive places where they can be open, such as The Compassionate Friends sibling support groups online and at retreats and support days. They may also find it useful to speak with a counsellor. (The GP will be able to advise about local support services). We should continue to reassure them that they are loved as much as the sibling who has died.