Our surviving children

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends The future Many of us feel profound concern that we were too disabled by our own grief to see and respond to our other children at the time of our child’s death. It is never too late to say “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand.” For younger children, this sharing is important as they mature; we can explain why things happened, and have a chance to correct any misunderstandings or gaps in their factual knowledge of events. We should bear in mind that as our surviving children mature they will have a deeper insight into the tragedy and may require more detailed explanations. Our love for our child endures beyond their death. We will remember and mourn our child for the rest of our lives. Life will always be bitter sweet as someone very dear is missing from the future we should have shared. Somehow we have to make a different future happen for all of us in ways that honour and recognise that our deceased child lived and was deeply loved, whilst celebrating our surviving and equally loved children’s milestones and achievements. It is important for us to encourage them to live the life they dream of and not try and hold them back. There will be occasions coloured by sadness in the future – significant birthdays, weddings, christenings, and graduations to name a few. Over time we will learn to embrace these happy occasions, smile and be glad.