Our surviving children

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk • Blaming themselves for their sibling’s death • Feeling lonely and isolated • Not wanting to talk about their sibling • Wanting attention • Our children might become overachievers in an attempt to overcome feelings of helplessness • Feeling fearful that something bad will happen to other loved ones or themselves is common. We need to listen to our children’s fears and acknowledge that they are experiencing very difficult feelings • Different kinds of anger can be expressed during grieving. There may be unresolved issues between a child and their sibling who died, which can leave the child feeling angry. They may be angry about the injustice of their loss. Anger can also be an expression of fear • Our children may show displays of power, and these may take the form of bad behaviour, acting out, anger or belligerence • Sadness can be an expression of a child’s feelings of vulnerability as they continue to live without their sibling. Loving arms around a child or teen who cries with sorrow can offer safety and acceptance in a world that includes the death of those we love. Ages and developmental stages All of the above describe generally how a child may react, but naturally there are vast differences depending on their ages and emotional development. As our children grow up and enter new developmental stages, they are likely to re-visit their grief with new understanding. Babies and young children Infants and toddlers do grieve. If their sibling was older and had consistently been present in a baby’s life before their death, our child will have a sense of something missing, regardless of their age, and an awareness of the sad atmosphere in the household. There is now a greater realisation that even babies can suffer the long-term effects of grief, including in multiple births where one child dies. Infants and toddlers may not be able to express their feelings verbally, but may show distress through behaviour such as not feeding well, disturbed