Our surviving children

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends sleep patterns or crying for no obvious reason. We can offer reassurance through soft, comforting words and physical closeness. Young children do not understand the concept of death nor that it is permanent, but they do react to the emotional turmoil of grief as well as to the disruption of daily routines. We should try to keep to our usual routines as much as possible. Sticking to what we usually do will help to give our child a sense of safety and that everything is okay. Maintaining our usual levels of discipline will help children to feel secure. Bedtime routines may be affected if children are feeling fearful. Simple things like having a night light on and doors open can help allay their anxieties. If children are used to a story at bedtime, then careful selection of suitable stories should continue. Books, stories, music and art can all be extremely helpful in exploring feelings of loss and grief especially in younger children who cannot yet verbalise their thoughts. Children under the age of 12 As children reach the ages of 5 to 7 years, they begin to grasp the concept and permanence of death, and they may be curious about the details. They may also become concerned about practical issues such as how the death of their brother or sister this will affect their lives. Older children are ready for more information, but we should remember that this is a crucial time of development. A “tween” has one foot in childhood and one in adolescence. Even without grief and loss, this developmental stage is both an exciting and scary time for some children. Creating opportunities for them to talk about their feelings can be a good step. Giving our children photographs and some of their sibling’s clothing or toys can also support the grieving process. We can allow them to choose the items they want, and what they want to do with them. Teenagers Some issues relating to older children overlap with teenagers, and vice versa. Teenagers experience hormonal changes and mood swings that may be intensified during grief. We can encourage teens to express what the grief experience is like for them. We should let our child know that we are there to listen whenever