Our surviving children

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk Children with learning difficulties Where one of our children has learning difficulties we may have tried to shield them from some aspects of life. With the death of their brother or sister, we have to ensure that they are included fully in the grieving process of our family. We cannot assure them that everything is all right, because it is not. We will be able to judge the level of words that we can use and how best to communicate our feelings and share our thoughts. The worst thing for our children is for them to feel excluded in some way. Our children’s education We may wish to tell any adults our children come into contact with , such as their teachers, about the death of their sibling. This will help them to understand if our child is behaving out of character and be ready to respond. Our children may talk to their teachers about the situation, so it is important the teacher knows how the loss of their sibling was explained. Our children may be vulnerable to bullying, especially if their sibling’s death has been in the news, and it could help if their teachers are aware of this. The pressures of exams can add to the difficulties faced by grieving families. This will apply to primary school children preparing for tests as well as teenagers and young adults facing exams to determine future career pathways and opportunities. Concentration, memory, confidence and self-esteem can all be badly affected by grief, and so encouragement and understanding are even more necessary. Good communications with teachers, lecturers and other professionals at this time could be helpful in the circumstances. Other ways of supporting our children It is important for us to be honest. Children have a much greater capacity to deal with the truth than many adults realise; it is the unsaid and the untruthful that they struggle with. Our children may not fully understand what has happened, but will certainly pick up on our distress and be very aware that things are “not right.” A simple explanation as to why we are upset will reassure our children that we are okay but feeling very sad, because that it is how people are when someone dies. Being available to our children, letting them see our emotions and how we manage them can help.