The Police and Bereaved Parents

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends The initial conversation • Introduce yourself , explaining that you are bringing bad news and ask if you may come in. • Invite the parents to sit down. Be aware that from the moment of your appearance, they may quickly assume that something is terribly wrong, and you will not want to increase their distress by delaying. • Explain gently, but clearly and directly , that their child has died. Do not rush the news; give them time to take it in. While euphemisms such as ‘passed away’ are not helpful, it is best at this early stage to avoid detailed explanations of what has happened. • Use the child’s name , or ‘your son’ or ‘your daughter’. Avoid de- personalising the dead child by describing them as ‘the deceased’, ‘the body’ or ‘the remains’. • Avoid using jargon or making remarks that could come across as trite or not genuinely sincere. If you do feel that something has come across in a clumsy or insensitive way, a simple apology at that moment could really help. • It is vital that you give the parents your full attention during this conversation. This includes turning off your radio or at least not responding to non-urgent communications. • Some parents may be in too much shock to ask questions , but others will immediately want to know as many details as possible. If you do not know the answers to their questions, tell the parents you will find out and let them know – and then make sure you do so. • Take care when dealing with cases of suspected homicide or suicide that you do not use or imply either of those words. It is the Coroner’s (or in Scotland, the Procurator Fiscal’s) job to establish the cause of death.