UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk the opportunity to ensure that our child has an everlasting presence in our lives, the lives of other people who knew and loved them, and even those who never met them. Some people refer to this type of memorialising as “continuing bonds”. This term was first suggested in a book Continuing Bonds: Another View of Grief (edited by Klass, Silverman and Nickman), in which the authors proposed that grief isn’t about working through “stages” until we accept and “forget”, but finding ways to slowly adjust to a changed relationship with the person who died, maintaining a continued bond to the extent the person wishes. This includes, but is not limited to, common activities such as keeping photos, treasuring certain items and sometimes talking to the deceased person, but also includes more innovative ways, such as running a marathon in their name, starting a charity, dedicating a bench, and so on. Most of us do this type of activity already, of course, but the “continuing bonds” model explains why this can be a helpful part of our grieving. For example, we can be creative with memorialising activities, combining what our child liked with what we enjoy, such as incorporating our love of painting with our child’s love of animals, by painting pictures of animals. In a way, we will have created something with them. You can read more about “continuing bonds” here: whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-grief-paradigm Being aware “Arranging to do a sponsored walk on behalf of a charity that my child cared about has been a great activity. My friends got involved too. There was quite a bit to do beforehand with training and organising. Now the walk is complete, I’m giving myself a bit of break from so many remembrance activities. I feel I need some time for myself.” Remembrance activities are a poor substitute for the living presence of our child. None of these activities will bring our child back, but hopefully this type of activity can bring at least some comfort as we adjust to the reality of living without them.
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