The Compassionate Friends (UK) 19 Doing what feels right for us includes not putting ourselves under pressure. There is no wrong or right way to remember. For instance, some of us love to have photographs of our children displayed in our home, whereas others cannot face continually seeing our child’s picture. This is also okay. It is our choice. We may need to be aware that on occasion, particularly when we are feeling overwhelmed by grief, remembrance activities may not be the best for our own wellbeing. If we find that these activities bring us down, rather than strengthen us, we might want to set them aside for the time being, or try out some other activities. We can always come back to a remembrance activity at a later date. Resources, talents, abilities and limitations “Sometimes just sitting in the park where my child enjoyed playing when they were little and later walking as an adult is one of my best ways of connecting with them. I sit quietly reflecting and remembering.” Resources, abilities and finances differ from person to person, but in the same way that everyone’s relationship with their child is different, so too are the ways we remember them. For some of us, lack of resources could hold us back from some activities. This can be frustrating, but that doesn’t mean we cannot find more affordable alternatives. We might not be able to go on that trip to China, for example, but we can still learn about the country and the culture, and what made our child like it so much. We might not be able to pay for a photo blanket to be made, but that doesn’t mean we cannot make use of what we already have, such as saved photos on our phones or physical photos. We perhaps can’t donate much money to a cause close to our child’s heart, but we can give in other ways, such as our time, or via a small one-off donation. We can raise awareness of something important that relates to our child even by just talking about it with others.
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