The Compassionate Friends (UK) 3 Foreword - using the ideas in this handbook This handbook is designed as a resource that you can dip into when looking for ideas for honouring your child’s memory or ways to feel closer to them. Everything here has been suggested by bereaved parents or close family members as something that has worked for them, but that doesn’t mean that all of these ideas will appeal to you. Time stretches out before us; we live our lives without the physical presence of the children we love so much. Nothing can take the place of their actual presence, but in their absence, we find ways to connect with them and experience a sense of closeness. That’s what this handbook is aiming for, and hopefully you will find some useful inspiration here. Memorialising gives us the opportunity to ensure that our child has a lasting presence in our lives, the lives of other people who knew and loved them, and even those whom they never met. There is no wrong or right way to remember, and our own feelings and preferences about this are likely to change as time passes. It is our personal choice as to what type of ‘memorialising’ we do or how much time to spend on it. It is wise to be self-aware. We may find that remembrance activities bring home the painfully sad reality of our child’s physical absence from this world. If a remembrance activity becomes a trigger for deeply sad memories and flashbacks, or if we are spending long periods of time concentrating only on these activities, we might need to put them aside for a while. There is a range of ideas in this handbook. Some do not cost anything nor require any particular skills, while others will take some time, ability or money. Of course, maintaining “continuing bonds”* with our child is not just about practically doing things or going to places. It is also a quiet space within ourselves, where our thoughts turn towards them. It is our hope that this handbook will serve as a useful springboard for your own unique journey of remembrance of your child. You are welcome to print this PDF file for your personal use. * For more on “continuing bonds”, see page 17
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