SIBBS Newsletter, Autumn 2020

SIBBS Newsletter, Autumn 2020 | www.tcf.org.uk 13 In having a sibling present in my life until the age of six, I learnt how to be empathetic to others, to share my things and play games with other children. On the other hand, the only child is fiercely independent, imaginative, and is the sole focus of their parents’ attention. While I feel highly loved and valued by my parents (even a little spoilt, to a mostly harmless degree), my parents have no other person to worry about in the same capacity. The only child experiences a lot of pressure. When something goes wrong – when the stove is left on, or the back door is unlocked, or the towels aren’t hung up to dry properly, to name a few mundane events – there is no one else to blame. So, on turning seven, I got the bigger bedroom in the house. I never shared a room on family holidays again. I didn’t have to share my toys or clothes. I got all the parental attention I wanted. Whenever I’m in a scrape with finances my parents will gladly help me out, to a finite point obviously. I’ve experienced a diverse range of academic and extra- curricular opportunities that may have not been possible, at least to the same degree, had my parents needed to fund another child. Birthdays and Christmas brought gifts galore. Even though I would sit at the dinner table on December 25th, look around the table at my family, and not one person would be of my generation. I would scoop roast potatoes, vegetables and Yorkshire puddings from their trays and serve my grandparents, my aunt, my uncle, my parents, and my cousins, who were either 20 years older than me or toddlers in the lap of a relative. I’ve been content in the company of adults from a young age, if involuntarily. After the age of six, I learnt my social interactions with other children my age through my friends at school. Maybe other only-children do this, perhaps it’s my quasi-sibling complex, but I took pretty much every, and I mean every, opportunity that came my way. My hobbies were numerous, from four different kinds of dance, to theatre, to drum kit, to piano. I loved my childhood hobbies, but even when enjoyment fizzled out I felt guilty giving them up. The irrational idea that I would disappoint my parents if I did this drove me on. I think maybe, at some points, I was trying to make up for two daughters. I once burnt myself out so much during exam season that I gave myself tonsillitis. I had to be the best. I wasn’t competing with my sister, so I naturally started competing with everyone else. Natalie (r) and her sister Rosie.