SIBBS Newsletter, Autumn 2021

SIBBS Newsletter, Autumn 2021 | www.tcf.org.uk 3 Dear friends, A warm welcome to the Autumn edition of our SIBBS Newsletter, and thanks so much to those of you who have contributed items. In this issue we have words of wisdom (I love the poem by Thich Nhat Hanh) as well as hearing about ideas to create something new out of a treasured item of clothing with Martin, the Memory Bear. There’s a fundraising campaign that also brings visibility to grief with My Blue Heart, and a piece about what support people ideally want from friends and others in our social circles. All of which means the theme for this issue is ‘What helps?’ Anyone who has attended our online groups for bereaved siblings may remember that this is often a question the facilitator asks towards the end of the session. It’s a way to turn everyone’s attention back from the depths of our shared anguish to how we cope when we go back into the world. It is amazing to see the healing compassion that comes through in groups at this moment, as people find hard-earned wisdom in their own sorrow, and share it with others. It’s a moment when our pain, usually so purely sad, becomes a source of mutual help. Focussing on ‘What helps’ also reminds us that grief is about doing: it’s an active process, when we find new ways to manifest our love and our bond, and take steps forward in new territory. It turns out that all sorts of things can help. For some it’s doing things that evoke and celebrate their sibling; for some, taking time out from wearing a kind of mask over their grief. Others get comfort from creativity; at our retreats for bereaved siblings, each person can choose to decorate a jam jar to fill with a candle to light in the evening, and often it’s while cutting out and sticking that good conversations get started. Sometimes it’s as simple as lighting a candle. I find that writing helps, and on page 8 I’ve listed three writing experiments that may help with the work of grief. These are for everyone, whether you think of yourself as someone who writes or not – all you need is pen and paper. And if you find yourself writing something you’d like to share with other bereaved siblings, please do send it to info@tcf.org.uk so we can print it in the next edition of SIBBS. Just mark the subject line ‘For SIBBS Newsletter’. I hope that some of what we talk about here helps you this Autumn. In friendship and with love, Rachael Letter from the editor Photo credit: Nancy Rashleigh-Claye