SIBBS Newsletter Autumn 2022

SIBBS Newsletter, Autumn 2022 | www.tcf.org.uk 5 Ellana Salt writes - Whilst waiting for the train to spend the weekend at the bereaved sibling retreat, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was full of questions: how was I going to handle the situation, would I be able to talk about my sister? But I can honestly say it was one of the best things I’ve decided to do in a very long time. For years I’d see the compassionate friends advertise the sibling retreat, every time wanting to go, but I always felt too scared and anxious to give it a go. As time passed, I also began to question how relevant it was for me, had it been too long since I lost my sister. But once I arrived it felt right. It’s been 11 years since my sister Sophia very suddenly passed away and before the retreat, I hadn’t ever talked to someone about everything that had happened. Within my day-to-day life, talking about Sophia wasn’t very common, I would do my best to avoid the dreaded question “Do you have any siblings?” simply because I hated answering it and never knew what to say. So I understandably felt apprehensive when I thought about openly talking about her whilst sitting in a room with a large group of people I’d never met. But to my surprise, after some initial awkwardness I found myself opening up and talking freely about my feelings, my thoughts and the struggles I’d faced as a teen continuing to grow up as an only child. I found talking about my sister, what she was like, how she died and my feelings during different stages of grief, with a group of people who were also at completely different stages in their grief journey extremely therapeutic. We found ourselves feeling similar if not the same way about how people I got to give advice to people who’d lost their siblings more recently than I did, and got advice from others about things I’d been struggling with. Knowing that my experience can help someone else in their grief journey helps me so much! I got to speak about my sister Emily in a way I hadn’t in years, no awkward questions, no judgement just listening and understanding. It’s not even just about talking about grief and loss but you can talk about memories and experiences that you just don’t in everyday life anymore because you worry about how others receive it or how uncomfortable they feel it’s not like that at the retreat.