SIBBS Newsletter Summer 2022

SIBBS Newsletter, Summer 2022 | www.tcf.org.uk 10 the original positions. For example, if they had one sibling who died then were they now an only child? Or if they were a middle child whose eldest sibling died then were they now the eldest, or still the middle? And how did people explain their decision? Younger siblings also commonly found that living beyond the age at which the sibling died raised questions over whether they could still identify as the ‘younger’ sibling. Overall, participants found it extremely difficult to talk about and explain, and struggled to understand their birth order in a way that differed from the original chronological order. As such, they commonly described the situation as feeling ‘weird’ and found it too problematic to explain. However, it is worth noting that a small number of participants did not encounter this. For example, some people had always felt like the older sibling, even if they were technically younger, because their brother or sister had been chronically ill or vulnerable in some way. Another challenge raised by participants was the ongoing need to make decisions about when and how to inform people of their bereavement, though this largely reduced as people aged. It was commonly suggested that people felt a sense of awkwardness and discomfort when mentioning that they had experienced the death of a sibling. This was felt more in the immediate time following the death or during early adulthood when death is less often encountered. Siblings discussed a number of ways for dealing with this moment, such as strategically deciding when and how to disclose their bereavement, steering the conversation and avoiding the topic altogether. A number of factors guided the decision making process, such as the perceived receptiveness of the audience as well as the potential longevity of the relationship. For example, housemates at university were often told straight away as they would be living together but hairdressers were often mentioned as someone who wouldn’t be told as the encounter would be brief. Due to the difficulties faced when speaking with others, participants revealed feeling more comfortable with those who had experienced a similar bereavement as there was an assumed level of