SIBBS Newsletter Summer 2022

SIBBS Newsletter, Summer 2022 | www.tcf.org.uk 12 progression of time specifically but living through certain experiences that emphasised the passing of time that were significant. For example, participants explained that attending university or getting married without the physical presence of their sibling was difficult as it was assumed that they would live these moments together. Also, younger siblings explained that often they would rely on their elder sibling to provide a ‘route map’ through these big life events. Being forced to experience these transitions for the first time, without the guidance of a sibling, once again acted as a reminder of their loss. The importance of time is recognised in parental bereavement in a way that it isn’t for siblings. For example, child loss is linked with phrases such as ‘not right to bury a child’ and ‘no parent should outlive their child’ but there are no equivalent sayings for siblings. This is despite the assumption that siblings are of a similar age and will grow old together. In part, this means that there are fewer public assumptions regarding sibling bereavement, including what is an appropriate response to support a grieving brother and/or sister. It also means that there is less public guidance on how siblings should understand and respond to their own feelings in bereavement, as there are fewer phrases to draw upon. Consequently, siblings are, to an extent, required to decide for themselves how to make sense of their bereavement (though this is shaped by relationships, as outlined previously). This lack of public understanding and absence of cliché also has implications for the way that siblings experience their bereavement over time. For example, there were a few participants who felt that their grief was recognised as being equal to that of their parents initially but this faded over time. Years after the death, they commented that people might send cards, messages or flowers to their parents on the anniversary, for example, but not to them. In addition, some participants commented that the passing of time meant that they felt less entitled to speak about their sibling, as the level of attention and willing to listen demonstrated by the audience had declined.