SIBBS Newsletter Summer 2022

SIBBS Newsletter, Summer 2022 | www.tcf.org.uk 8 The relationship between surviving siblings and parents was frequently mentioned during interviews. For the majority of siblings spoken to, the death of their brother and/or sister prompted a new sense of care and responsibility towards their parents, which would continue in different ways as they got older. For example, some people felt a significant responsibility to remain healthy and alive in order to protect their parents from the anguish of losing another child. Others felt that they had to hide or diminish their grief and conceal the depths of their suffering in order to protect their parents. Although, not everyone felt the same level of pressure and often this sense of duty was experienced more acutely by those who had no other living siblings. Whilst stifling and restrictive at times, participants often made clear that they actively wanted to care for their parents, though not all felt willing or able to do so. Participants largely expressed an awareness of need both now and in the future, explaining that parents may require more care in the later stages of life that would likely be their responsibility. As such, some participants talked about plans they had for the future or even provisions they had already made in preparation. In the present, actions varied from the seemingly mundane, such as engaging in activities that would normally have been fulfilled by the deceased or maintaining regular communication, to the more radical, such as moving house to be closer to parents or making decisions about having children. It is often assumed that siblings are less permitted to grieve than parents and it was clear across the interviews that siblings had internalised a lack of entitlement. Participants indicated that friends, family and professionals re-enforced this idea by asking exclusively about parental welfare and encouraging a need to ‘be strong’ for parents. Although siblings made comparisons between their bereavement and parental bereavement, overall they were keen to stress that one is neither better nor worse but that the two experiences are very different. Even those who had become parents since the death of their sibling noted that they had gained greater insight and empathy