SIBBS Newsletter Summer 2022

SIBBS Newsletter, Summer 2022 | www.tcf.org.uk 9 but remained reluctant to state that one bereavement would be worse than another. Although they did reflect that becoming parents had enabled them to see an alternative perspective and allowed them to empathise with their own parents more. Identity Regardless of how positive the relationship is, siblings play a significant role in the way that we understand who we are and how we fit within the family. For example, as the eldest or youngest, only boy or girl, this can imply certain roles or responsibilities. A sibling’s death and subsequent physical absence therefore has consequences for the way that surviving siblings see themselves. A large number of participants felt that they had 2 different identities; one before the death and one afterwards. For some this change was immediate but for most participants this was experienced as a gradual adjustment to a new identity. For example, learning how to be an individual instead of a collective, or how to be part of a group that has reduced in number. Whether this change is experienced as gradual or instant, the death of a sibling significantly affected the way that individuals saw themselves and were perceived by others. For example, some participants reported that, when their sibling was alive, they would often try to assert themselves as an individual and emphasise the differences between them. However, following the sibling’s death they were more willing to acknowledge their similarities, both in appearance and personality, as a way to continue a connection and maintain an aspect of their identity associated with being (and being seen as) a brother or sister. The order in which siblings are born often plays a significant role in the way that people see themselves and their position within the family. For example, some participants felt that there are certain responsibilities associated with being the eldest or youngest child. As a result, people often found it extremely unnerving to reconsider their place in the birth order if the death of their sibling challenged