SIBBS Newsletter, Winter 2020

SIBBS Newsletter, Winter 2020 | www.tcf.org.uk 3 Hello friends, A very warm welcome to the Winter issue of your SIBBS newsletter. As I write this, we’ve just headed into a second national lockdown (sigh) with a hope and a prayer that it’ll be over by Christmas. It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? It’s mind boggling to think how every aspect of our lives has been impacted - working, shopping, travelling, socialising, exercising, parenting, studying – the lot. For many of us, our grief experience has been hugely affected too. Managing all this change alongside the ongoing processing and pain of loss is complicated. If you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, especially low, and/or anxious you’re not alone. In dark or difficult moments, it can help to bring to mind any positive, uplifting things that have surfaced over 2020. When I raid my mental stash of ‘nice stuff’, I find the grounding pleasures of gardening and baking; our street’s new Whatsapp group that’s evolved into a sweetly caring community; and reconnecting with long-missed overseas friends – even if over a slightly stuttery Zoom connection! What’s in your nice stuff bank? A recent highlight was the talk by author Cathy Retzenbrink hosted online by TCF (reviewed on p10) . Around 130 bereaved parents and siblings gathered to hear a profoundly moving and real account of the bumpy road to finding hope after loss. Amongst many, many helpful things, Cathy shared her views on when people say the wrong thing to grievers (key takeaway – even at their worst, people are usually trying their best!). You’ll find more advice on handling this particular minefield on p6. Christmas and New Year can be especially painful times without our brother and sister. Go gently on yourself. Get to know what you need to do to survive it; self-care practices like walking alone, digging out favourite music and learning to say no to certain invitations can help us through the challenges of this time of year. TCF has produced this helpful guide Coping With Christmas available at www.tcf.org.uk/copingwithchristmas and so much of it is relevant for siblings. Finally, I say it every time but please remember that you never have to struggle alone. SIBBS – the sibling arm of TCF – is here for you offering peer support on our safe, private Facebook group, with facilitated online support groups and via direct peer support. Do reach out if you feel the need. Wishing you and your loved ones safety, peace, good health and beautiful memories this winter and Christmas period. Take good care and stay safe and warm! In friendship, Hayley x Letter from the editor