SIBBS Newsletter, Winter 2020

SIBBS Newsletter, Winter 2020 | www.tcf.org.uk 4 Holidays and Grief: Surviving Siblings Written by bereaved mum Melanie DeSimone at The Life I Didn’t Choose blog thelifeIdidntchoose.com I found this Mum’s perspective so thoughtful and sensitive to both her own needs and those of her living children -Ed. Surviving siblings are often called “forgotten grievers”. It’s natural and understandable for folks to focus on parents who lose a child. But many, many grieving families include siblings who are not only grieving their brother or sister but also the family they once knew. Sometimes holiday traditions are comforting and siblings long for things to be as close to “normal” as possible. Sometimes they are an uncomfortable reminder of how very different things have become. I have never wanted to make my life journey with blinders on . I realized young that MY perspective is not the only one. I understand that more clearly now. So I try hard to think about, acknowledge and accommodate the feelings and needs of others. But it’s especially challenging since Dominic left us . And doubly so this time of year when every sight, smell and song screams, “It’s the holidays and HE IS NOT HERE! “ I may not be as thoughtful to some in my circle as want to be, but I will expend every ounce of energy and effort I can muster to make space for my living children’s needs during this season. I promised them the day Dominic ran ahead to heaven our family would not be defined by what we have lost. I committed right then and there we would not sanctify Dominic, wouldn’t whitewash his ornery ways and would not put him on a pedestal against which they would be measured for the rest of their lives.