SIBBS Newsletter, Winter 2020

SIBBS Newsletter, Winter 2020 | www.tcf.org.uk 7 Now, we have heard ALL the reasons people don’t want to do this. Things like I don’t have the energy, the person isn’t worth it if they didn’t know how to be a good friend without instruction, I don’t want a friend who I have to help learn to support me, etc. If that’s where you are, that’s where you are. We’re big believers that just a little bit of effort giving feedback to a well- intentioned friend can go a long way, so we always suggest giving it a go at least once. What does giving feedback sound like? #4 Create Boundaries When you’re grieving, you may find that people try to insert themselves into your grief in ways you don’t want. Perhaps it is giving you advice. Maybe it is asking you questions you aren’t comfortable with. Maybe it is coming over to check in unannounced. Whatever it may be, remember that you can set boundaries. Boundaries can be tricky, but in a most basic way the process looks like this: • Self-reflect and determine what your boundary is. • Name your boundary is a simple, concrete sentence. • Be aware of the thoughts and feelings associated with your boundary. • Share your boundary with the person or people who need to hear it. • Stick to your boundary and, when appropriate, give feedback to someone who knows your boundary and continues trying to violate it. Boundaries look different for everyone and they will often differ at different times and when you are with different people, so we can’t give you a boundary checklist! But one example is that on some days or with some people, you might not want to talk about how the person died. If this is the case and someone asks, you can hold this boundary by practicing responses.