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Autumn 2020 - TCF Newsletter | www.tcf.org.uk 5 “This was a really good event. I already attend our local TCF meeting online so had an idea as to what I hoped it would be, and it delivered completely. Our facilitators did a great job all the way through and the size of the group was just right.” “It was such an opportunity for me to be able to meet up with others like me. I do not have any such support group in my locality and being able to relate with others like me makes me understand that I am not alone and my feelings are shared by others who have experienced similar tragedies. This makes me less isolated”. “The group was absolutely fantastic and reassuring to hear from people in such similar circumstances. I will definitely be back for more groups.” (sibling) Sharon Rose Mary Hartley Here TCF’s volunteer librarian tells us a little about her life and her motivations for running our charity’s unique postal library. A huge thank you to Mary for all she has done to ensure the library continues to offer so much amazing support to bereaved parents and their families. She has innovated in so many ways including putting the complete library of books online in a searchable format. Mary frequently makes a personal choice of books for each library-user and includes a personalised note in her book parcels. To find out more go to www.tcf.org.uk/library Can you tell us a little about your background before getting involved with TCF? I grew up in the East End of London and, at the age of 18, began to train as a nurse at the London Hospital in Whitechapel. To be accepted there was pretty prestigious for the daughter of a dock worker and was due entirely to the excellent education after going to a grammar school. I married when I was just 22 and moved to Ashford in Kent where my two daughters were born, Karen in 1978 and Claire in 1985. By 2004 we’d moved to Lordswood, just outside Chatham and Claire was in the middle of her A level year. She’d been unwell with glandular fever during the last part of 2003 and wasn’t really getting over it. In February she relapsed again and I was becoming very concerned. She saw a consultant on 17th February who ordered some tests and thought she should have her tonsils removed but on the 21st she became acutely unwell, very lethargic and jaundiced, and was taken into the local hospital. From there she was blue-lighted into ITU at King’s College Hospital in London and, despite the incredible amount of care and expertise she received from a world class team of specialists, she died in the early hours of 25th February. Post Mortem examination and tests showed she’d died from an extremely rare complication of glandular fever which happens about 3 times a decade in this country; at that time it was almost always fatal. Her case was written up for the medical press and, as a result of what was learned, other people are now surviving that particular complication. How did you get involved with The Compassionate Friends? I didn’t know about TCF after Claire died and struggled on for five months more or less on my own. My family and friends tried to help me and I was able to speak to the mum of one of Claire’s school friends who had also lost a child but, by July, I was absolutely at rock bottom. I’m usually a glass half-full sort of person but, for the only time in my life, I actively wanted to die and, since my GP was very good at writing prescriptions, I had the means to achieve that. I remember pacing up and down for hours getting more and more distraught and then thinking about the booklet the hospital had given me. I knew the Samaritans number was in there and, when I looked it up, TCF’s helpline number was there too. It took a huge amount of courage to phone but it’s the best thing Volunteer Focus