TCF News Autumn 2022

Autumn 2022 - TCF Newsletter | www.tcf.org.uk 7 Bee was also a first timer at the retreat. Here she writes about her experience: The welcome in the carpark was enough to make me cry - I felt instantly that I “belonged”. The crying stopped enough to get into the building, but then started again when I saw my child’s name and “remembering” on my name badge! (It was a beautiful touch, just a sad reminder, so a note of preparation would have helped) It was a little scary going into the garden room for the first time- who do I sit with? Who do I talk to? Will they ask me big questions straight away?? But everyone seemed just as nervous and very nice. It felt too soon for me to suddenly start talking about our children, even though others were, and I really welcomed the Friday small group to share a little about him in a safe space. Some of the topics for the sharing sessions were really helpful, thank you for those. The most helpful for me were losing a child to suicide, and the group discussing relationships. The best run groups were those where there were strict rules on late entry - even 5 minutes late is so disruptive to everyone else, and firm leadership with not letting participants dominate the session. It may be therapeutic to them, but no one else in the room can participate. Gently encouraging others to talk is also appreciated. I also appreciated rules on not “oversharing” - because it is so triggering for others, although these were not always adhered to. I went to this retreat with the purpose of not sharing all the details of my child’s death, but to learn and see how I can possibly move on and heal. My absolute favourite was the writing workshop. I could happily have spent a whole weekend doing this! The time flew by but I got so much from it. Gently led, but very emotional for all. I wrote a meaningful poem and enjoyed listening to others’ words too about their children and their grief. So many people thought they have no ability to write, but all produced such heartfelt pieces of writing with relative ease following support and guidance from the tutor. Overall, thank you so much for organising this weekend. It is really appreciated to have somewhere like this to go to and meet others in a similar situation. I imagine it takes a huge amount of planning, but the rewards are felt throughout. I will be attending again and have made several friends from it and we plan to keep in touch. I have felt renewed to keep moving forward, and this may be personal to me, but I have always felt so much personal blame around my child’s death- that it must be something I did or didn’t do, but looking around the room of so many people, I realised that just as it was neither their fault, it equally couldn’t be mine. There’s something about being with others, to see that we are all the same. The only common thread is that every parent there clearly loves their child and misses them greatly. This of course was never said, but may hugely help me on my journey. Thank you. The gardens at Woodbrooke