TCF News, Spring 2021

Spring 2021 - TCF Newsletter | www.tcf.org.uk 4 Can you tell us a little about your life before becoming involved in our charity? From the mid 70s to the late 80s I was a single parent to my daughter Melanie, living in Greenwich and working in the City and West End as a legal secretary for a variety of partners in major law firms. I loved the work, and the people – I remember receiving a bottle of Paris Ritz Champagne from Mohammed Al-Fayed at the Ritz, thanking me for working late on a case of his, many years before he owned Harrods! After I re-married and had my two sons Adam and Marcus in 1988 and 1991, I worked in local Government, supporting chief executives and council leaders. It was so interesting being involved with policies in the making, and also being able to serve members of the local community directly. After I lost my son Adam in 2007 I took a year out, which I think was vital to help me focus on my grief, to help Melanie and Marcus through the loss of their brother, obtain counselling and have time for me to try and heal. I went back to local Government afterwards, but - following directly on from abysmal service (and I’m not talking rubbish flowers but a total lack of compassion) from a local florist when trying to choose flowers for Adam’s funeral – a few years later I took a different, more creative direction and trained as a bespoke florist. I’ve been self-employed for almost 10 years now and I also teach floristry to groups of students. I create every bouquet and floral arrangement, for any event - happy or sad - with love and care. How did you get involved with The Compassionate Friends? I had counselling for a year after Adam died, and during that time there was still quite a lot of support from friends and family, and of course my wonderful bereavement counsellor. But after that first year, I felt I was on my own, I didn’t know any other parent who had lost a child, and that was when I made contact with TCF. The charity was tiny back in 2008, based in Bristol and with just 2 in the office, I believe. Anyway I received a lovely welcoming letter from them, together with my first “Compassion” magazine. I also received a printed list of local TCF groups – no posh website then! My nearest at the time was in Bromley and I started attending their meetings. I hated the journey as they were evening meetings and it was a long drive but these people knew my pain and I made new compassionate friends immediately. In fact I am forever grateful for that group as I met Marie Best there and we are close friends, all these years later. We even go on yoga holidays together! Can you tell us a little about your roles in the past and now with TCF? I was hopeful for a group nearer to my home in Bexley, and thankfully, Jannet and Stephen Mathers, who also attended the Bromley TCF group, mentioned their plans to renovate an old pub in Deptford, part of which would be offered to TCF for its new head office. There would also be meeting room space where we would be able to hold drop-in sessions for bereaved parents. So when the building was ready, me, Marie and many others were able to meet each month in a warm, welcoming space that Jannet and Stephen created. Eventually that became the Deptford TCF Drop-In group facilitated by Jannet originally and then by Marie, Donald Plant and myself. Shortly after, 6 years ago my husband and I moved to the Kent coast. I was asked by a bereaved mum who had also attended the Deptford Drop-in, and who had moved house too, if I could start up a new local group, as there were no TCF groups anywhere in South Kent. The first meeting of Hythe TCF, therefore, was in March 2016 and I facilitated this thoughtful, caring group of parents and grandparents for 3 years before passing the baton to Sally Stowell who is a wonderful group facilitator. I wasn’t sure what role, if any, I could usefully then do within TCF, as I did not want a regular commitment again after several years of facilitating groups every month. But then the pandemic struck and we all learnt how to use Zoom. I trained with several other volunteers to trial an online TCF Chat facility but this is on hold for now. However the wonderful specialist support groups on Zoom were in the process of being set up by Sharon Rose, and so I now take my turn on the rota to co- facilitate the Bereaved by Suicide specialist groups, and a new specialist group for Parents bereaved by Death of a Volunteer focus - Christina Ford