TCF News, Spring 2021

Spring 2021 - TCF Newsletter | www.tcf.org.uk 5 Child Abroad will be taking place at the end of February which I will also co-facilitate. What’s the best thing about volunteering for TCF? “Help others to help yourself”. Easily the best thing about volunteering for TCF is that as a local contact and a group facilitator, you are able to be there for a newly bereaved parent, sibling or grandparent almost as soon as they ask for support, usually via the Helpline but sometimes by direct contact from the website. You can be alongside them in those dark early days (although sadly not in person during lockdown) and they realise very early on that they are not alone, there is a whole network of support and friendship that they can draw on. Continuing from this early contact, when they are most grief-stricken and often in shock, it’s incredibly rewarding to see the change in a person over a period of time, the pain etched on their face softens, the light starts to glimmer in their eyes again, the body releases from the tight coil of grief. It can take months or even years, but then we’re all in it for the long haul and we do see that we (TCF) have made at least some of that difference. I believe they see very early on, through our interaction as volunteers, that life can be lived once more with purpose and hope. I also feel that we are incredibly well supported by Carolyn, Ruth and Sharon with training days, sharing sessions and just the listening ear if we do have a problem. TCF is a really professional, well run charity and I’m proud to volunteer for this organisation. What has been the most challenging? Although local group meetings are a 2 hour diary date, once a month – for the attendees – there is so much more that a group facilitator needs to do: prepare for the meeting, have a suitable topic at hand, remind the group by email a week or so beforehand that the meeting is happening, organise the venue/liaise with the host, check TCF events so they can be mentioned at the meeting and so on. And then of course leading the meeting itself on the day and ensuring everyone is looked after properly including parents attending for the first time. It can be exhausting over a period of time, especially if you’re working full time too, which I was for several years. My advice would be to always try and find a co-facilitator within the group, but that can take quite some time. Are there any areas of volunteering you would like to develop? My son died on 1st July 2007 and so this year I will have had 14 years’ experience as a bereaved parent and several years as a TCF local contact and group facilitator. I am very far away from that newly bereaved mum in terrible pain, yet even now, every day is impacted by the loss of Adam somehow, even if by the tiniest thought or memory. I’m not sure this far on that I want to develop further except to be proactive if TCF try out new avenues that I might be suitable for. How do you relax and recharge? After a regular group meeting I would usually get home, put the dog’s lead on and walk very fast for at least an hour, replaying the meeting in my head and letting the tension go. I love walking in the countryside and along the beach, luckily we live 5 minutes’ walk from Hythe beach so the views and all that fresh air are great de- stressors. For the last 6 years I’ve practised Iyengar yoga 2 or 3 times a week. Yoga not only strengthens the body, but the breathwork calms all that over-thinking mind-chatter, and of course the relaxation at the end is heavenly! In July 2020 I set up a wild swimming group, “Hythe Wild Swimmers” which now has around 200 Facebook members. Several of us have swum in the sea every weekend since we started and even managed a quick dip on Christmas and New Year’s Day. The challenge of being in the sea in all weathers soon recharges you, it’s like skiing – the danger is always there and it’s often a great relief to get out of the water, but also with a great sense of achievement – “I can do this!” And finally I love learning languages. I’m quite fluent in French and have been learning Greek on and off for years. I’m currently taking weekly Zoom lessons with Eleni, a Greek teacher in London, ready for our next holiday or even part-retirement there (that’s the plan!). Learning languages keeps the grey matter ticking over for sure.