TCF News, Winter 2020

Winter 2020 - TCF Newsletter | www.tcf.org.uk 5 We’ve all experienced how other people aren’t always helpful during the grieving process. Cathy’s book A Manual For Heartache even includes a list of things not to say to the bereaved, including platitudes like “time will heal” , “God only gives you what you can handle” or “you’ll feel better in a year”. As we all know, comments like this can put huge, destructive pressure on us when we don’t feel better in that given time frame. I liked Cathy’s point that when people do make unhelpful comments, she doesn’t get angry – she accepts that it’s hard and everyone is generally trying their best. And like her father, she appreciates a clumsy comment over somebody crossing the road to avoid her. Above all, Cathy’s talk was a reminder that while we’ve endured the unimaginable and we do become the “walking wounded”, there is hope. Don’t beat yourself up wishing you’d appreciated what you had before – she told us - as time passes you can grow the other bits of your broken heart so that the damaged bit becomes less all encompassing. Within her parting words, Cathy reminded us that even the most painful of times offer us pearls, and at the end of a difficult day we can decide to think: “I learnt a lot about being a human being today.” As the comments, questions and post-event feedback showed, participants on the evening learnt a great deal about being human with Cathy on this, the third in TCF’s series of online talks. Thirty years on from losing Matty, Cathy confirms that there is no recovering or getting back to normal from a loss like this. Yet Cathy would tell her younger broken self, still in the trenches of grief, that things will get better. “It won’t be the life you imagined, but there is a life for you out there. I promise you that in the future you will be glad to be alive again.” You can view a recording of Cathy’s talk here: www.tcf.org.uk/cathyrentzenbrink Cathy’s book A Manual for Heartache is available to purchase at the TCF website SHOP. The Last Act of Love is available on Amazon.