Grieving for our Pre-teen or Teenage Child

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends This leaflet is especially for parents who are bereaved of a child of secondary school age, from 11–18 years of age. Being a parent brings both challenges and joy. Our children are continuously entering new chapters in their lives: from days spent in the family home onto playgroups and school, making their first childhood friendships. By the time a child reaches their teenage years, they have moved into a more complex phase of growing up. Heartbreakingly, for some of us, our hopes and dreams for our child are then shattered. The death of a child brings unspeakable sadness, devastation, shock and loneliness, regardless of the cause or whether it was sudden and unexpected, or anticipated due to illness. It is not easy to adjust to life without our beloved child, and it will take us time to find our way. Being a parent to a teenager Every child is unique in so many ways. They have their own personality, likes and dislikes, hopes and plans for the future. Depending on our child’s age, we will have seen at first hand the tremendous changes that come with puberty. Our child has had to deal with a changing body, powerful swings in emotion, and a shifting sense of themselves and their place in the world. Teenagers can be judgemental of their parents, and society in general. They often feel invincible. Risk-taking activities are common, and they may have endangered themselves through extreme sports, unsafe sexual activity, substance use or criminal behaviour. Parenting a teenager is far from easy. If we were strict in order to keep our child safe, they may have defied our rules, whether Grieving for Our Pre-teen or Teenage Child