Grieving for our Pre-teen or Teenage Child

UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | www.tcf.org.uk openly or secretly. Arguments may have been frequent as they battled for increased freedom and we held firm to the house rules. Alternatively, our teenage child may have been quiet and reserved. Perhaps they stayed increasingly in their room, and we worried that they had become too isolated. We may have struggled to bring them out of themselves. Teenagers often do not confide in their parents. This is part of the natural process of growing up and becoming more independent. We may not always be aware of the issues our children struggle with – for example, their gender identity, or being the victim of bullying. Now that they have died, we might discover these previously hidden strands of their life. We might feel deep sadness and frustration about all the things we might have done to help, and all of the conversations we can have no longer. Our grief Any parent who is bereaved of a child will go through a tumult of strong emotions of grief, including anger and despair. Sometimes we may direct these feelings at others, as we feel the need to place blame even where there is none. If we have a partner, we may feel like we have let them down in the way we looked after our child, or vice versa. We could also feel as though we have failed as a unit. As a lone parent, we may experience a similar sense of guilt. We are plagued by ‘what ifs’: could I have done more? Was I too strict or too easy-going? It is natural for us to have these questions, but also equally important to realise that usually feelings of responsibility and guilt are unfounded. In most circumstances, our child’s death could not have been prevented by us or anybody else. While it is natural to seek to blame ourselves, others or circumstances, this will not change what has happened.