Grieving for our Pre-teen or Teenage Child

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends We may find there is a certain expectation from others as to how we should react and cope. We may be responsible for contacting family and friends, and most likely our child’s school as well. Relaying the news will be an incredibly difficult task. If we are a lone parent, we may be dealing with the emotional and practical consequences of the death of our child with little support. It is important that we do things in our own way, when we feel able to. We all have days when we feel unable to function, and others when we feel a tiny bit stronger and more up to confronting such tasks. Grief can be a lonely experience. Our adult social circle may change; perhaps we will no longer meet up with parents at school functions, sports and other social events. If our child had been bullied or had a negative experience of school, our contact with other parents may have been limited or strained already, and now even more so. The circumstances of our child’s death The death of our child is a tragedy. It may have been preceded by months, years or even a lifetime of illness or disability, or it may have been completely sudden and unexpected – perhaps the result of suicide, an accident, or a sudden health emergency. Any of these circumstances will leave us with many unanswered questions. Incidents of self-harm or suicide are tragically high amongst young people today. Sometimes this might have been precipitated by problems of which we were unaware, such as bullying, either in person or on social media. If we believe our child’s death could have been avoided, perhaps through better medical care, we may feel a deep sense of anger and frustration. There can be other causes of sudden death. Many young people are drawn to thrills and danger. Activities such as mountain