Helping Parents When Their Child Dies at University

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Not making assumptions about the cause of death If the student appeared to die as a consequence of violence, an accident, substance use, suspected suicide or an unexplained cause, it is likely that the police and coroner will be involved. It may take considerable time for the cause of death to be confirmed. In the meantime, there may be a certain amount of stigma or gossip surrounding the student’s death. The university might consider communicating at the earliest opportunity with other students about how they discuss and post responsibly about what has taken place. This is for their own well-being as well as the impact of sharing disturbing details and/or rumours upon the bereaved family. It is worth noting that many bereaved parents struggle to comprehend that their child has behaved in ways that led to their death, or has taken their own life. Most parents are tormented by looking for reasons for their child’s actions, and there is nearly always a huge element of self- blame. Sensitivity and compassion are important as parents try to come to terms with what has happened. Siblings In some cases, the deceased student might have a sibling who also attends the university (a twin, for instance). In such circumstances, the sibling will often benefit from the full support of the university’s Student Wellbeing Team. The Compassionate Friends also offers support for bereaved siblings. See tcf.org.uk/siblings