When Your Child Has Died Abroad

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends 16 The places we go to remember our child You may not want or be able to return to where your child died very often, if at all. Any mention of that country could act like a knife to your heart, and you may vow that you will never go there again. You may also find that in general, flying and travel abroad is now a trigger for your grief. In time, however, some of us feel we need to visit, to follow our child’s footsteps, or to meet people there who knew them. This is no easy journey to make. It can really help if we go with a good friend or a close family member. We may also wish to take our other children to help them with their grieving. For some of us, it is too painful to travel to the place where our child died, or it is not possible for other reasons. We might instead find that friends or family members visiting that area are willing to take a small tribute from us to be placed there in memory of our child. If our child died in a less-developed country, we might want to think about establishing something local in their memory, such as funding some children’s education. This might be particularly poignant if our child had been volunteering or cared about some local issues. Many of us whose child died overseas have found that it helps to have somewhere local to where we live to focus our remembrance. This can be particularly important if their body was not found or we did not repatriate them. Having something local can give us somewhere to visit, to reflect, to place flowers or light candles. We might bury a little soil from the country where they died or an item belonging to them, or possibly dedicate a tree or bench to symbolise their place of rest. For more on this, see the TCF publication Remembering-Our-Child- Handbook.pdf (tcf.org.uk/rememberinghandbook) .