Our grief following the accidental death of our child

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends All of this means our feelings may be very mixed. For instance, we may feel some anger towards our child, or we may find ourselves defending them in the face of other people’s criticism. How we go forward will depend on the unique circumstances of our child’s death. In time, we may be able to focus on the ‘bigger picture’ of their life as a whole, rather than the few moments that led to their life ending. Blaming ourselves Feelings of guilt and regret are common in any bereavement, and particularly so for parents. We wish to protect our child from any harm, and the fact that they have died can leave us feeling that we have failed. There is probably no factual foundation at all for feeling this way. Still, we might find ourselves re-examining earlier decisions based on what has happened. For instance, we might regret encouraging our child to take up a high-risk sport, or that we did not stop them from going out in bad weather. No matter how irrational our self-blame, it can sometimes be difficult to put the past into perspective and stop the cycle of self- critical thoughts without outside help. A counsellor or grief therapist may provide us with a safe and supportive environment in which to examine our troubled memories, thoughts and feelings. Getting such support is something to consider, particularly if our guilt is intense and ongoing.