One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends There are many reasons why we may be a lone parent. Bereavement, divorce, personal choice or other circumstances can all lead to someone living as a single parent. Whatever the circumstances, grieving for a child without a partner can bring its own difficulties, and can be very lonely and isolating. The lone parent Coping with the loss of our child without a partner to support us through this most traumatic of times is very hard. No matter how supportive friends or family might be, in many respects we must struggle with both the emotions and the practical aspects of loss by ourselves. If we now have no surviving children, we may also question our identity. Can we still call ourselves a parent? Of course we can, but it might take some time before we can feel comfortable with that feeling. If lone parenting has been caused by divorce or separation, we may feel guilty or experience regrets about the way life has turned out. We may even feel that the separation played a part in the death of our child. Or it may be that the death of a child will lead to contact with our ex-partner, even if there has been no contact for a long time. This may stir up complex emotions at an already very emotional time. If lone parenting has been caused by the death of a partner, the death of a child can bring back the grief from our earlier bereavement. If we have other children, losing a sibling will probably revive their earlier grief. It may feel very frightening, as if our family is falling apart. Almost every bereaved parent will experience a profound sense of isolation, a feeling that no one else can understand the depth of our pain. For lone parents, this feeling of isolation can be particularly intense, and the isolation may become a spiral. We can feel that we’ve been abandoned and this may lead us to turn away from the company of those who have good intentions and want to help. Sometimes this loneliness and isolation can lead us into destructive behaviour. If we find that alcohol, medication or other substances help to dull our pain, it can be easy to become dependent. At this time especially The bereaved lone parent
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