UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk we need to take care of our own health. Grief is exhausting, emotionally and physically, and we need to be gentle with ourselves to keep our bodies functioning. The early days As a bereaved lone parent it is most helpful if another adult can give practical and emotional support in the early days that follow the death of our child. Most people need help with the organising and decision-making that surround a death; there are choices to be made, but sometimes we feel too deep in shock and grief to be capable of functioning at all. We may need someone who can share the memories and act as a sounding board as we go over and over the last few days, and recount the tiny details which help us to face the impossible reality of what has happened. It helps to have someone who knows what is meant when we ask, “Do you remember…?” We often assume that this would be the role of the other parent in a traditional family, but a friend or relative can also be an enormous help. When it all gets too much to deal with, it is particularly difficult if there is no one around we can let off steam to, or who can offer a shoulder to cry on. If we have another child or children there are practical concerns. Another adult in the house at least means that if we need to go out for a short walk or just take a nap, there is someone available to hold the fort, to look after the other children, to answer telephone calls and other similar activities that still need doing. As a bereaved single parent, we may sometimes feel that there is not enough of us to go around. When we are struggling to get through the day because of our own grief, our remaining children may feel that we are ‘not there’ for them, but there may be no one else to fill the gap. Support from outside the home can be a great help; close friends and family may provide this in emotional as well as practical ways. Perhaps we need someone to do the shopping or take the other children to their activities. It will help to share thoughts and feelings with them, to cry together and not to be afraid of upsetting each other. It is seldom a good idea to bottle up our grief. If we do not have supportive friends or family nearby, then in a time of crisis it can be a good idea to speak with our GP, who may be able to point us to where we can find some assistance. There are other sources of emotional help, such as the The Compassionate Friends (TCF) helpline (see the back page for details), manned by volunteers who are bereaved
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