One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends parents who will be able to understand how we are feeling. The Samaritans are always there if we need emotional support and can be contacted by phone (116 123 in the UK), email or text. Gingerbread, a national charity for single parents, may be helpful especially if we have surviving children. Returning to work Being a lone parent may well mean that we are the breadwinner of the household. We may feel compelled to return to work before we are ready to do so. We may worry about losing our job if we do not return, or be anxious that we are not doing the job adequately as a result of being preoccupied, forgetful and exhausted. Sometimes we try so desperately to appear normal that we do not see that support is available, and that people can be sympathetic and helpful if they are given the opportunity. When we are consumed by grief it can be very easy to misunderstand things – to feel upset by a comment that was intended to be supportive. Colleagues and friends often do not know what to say or do, and may need some guidance. (We may want to give them a copy of the TCF leaflet Helping bereaved parents.) However, returning to the workplace is sometimes beneficial. It can open up social contact and give us focus. No one can tell us when the time is right to return to work. We have to balance all of the factors and do the best we can, as circumstances may mean that it is not entirely our choice. (See the TCF leaflet Back at work.) Things that help The experience of life as a single parent has probably equipped us with strengths that could now come to our aid. Many of us will already have learnt to organise and motivate ourselves, and these inner resources will be helpful in the weeks, months and years following our bereavement. Finding ways to comfort and distract ourselves can sometimes help. Activities that were previously pleasurable may provide us with a chance to relax and take stock, even if this is something simple such as soaking in the bath, listening to favourite music, watching sport or going to the gym. We may feel guilty the first time we realise we have laughed or experienced some brief respite from the misery of grief, but it will happen at some stage and it does not mean that we are forgetting our lost child or ‘moving on’. Compiling a Memory Book, with photographs, letters and little items, or a memorial website, can be a help. It can provide space and time to
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