One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends a local TCF group nearby, it might help to go along, or perhaps joining a support group on Facebook might help. TCF also has an online forum where we can talk privately with other bereaved parents. It can be very comforting to be able to say exactly what we’re feeling when those around us can assure us that they too have felt the same way. Perhaps another bereaved parent will be able to put into words things which have been bothering us but which we were unable to express. When we find others who have faced this overwhelming grief, we often form very strong bonds of friendship which help us to cope. If we have surviving children, they will also be mourning the loss of their brother or sister. No matter their age, our surviving children need us to reassure them, to love, protect and help them get through this devastating time. This can be extremely difficult for us as we ourselves are in shock and struggling to comprehend what has happened (For more on this, see the TCF leaflet, Our surviving children). If we are now childless, we may worry about what appears to be an empty future. There are no easy answers, but step by step, as we adjust to our loss, we can find new meaning in our life. It can help to develop friendships with others who also have no children. We may find that new hobbies, perhaps joining a club or a choir, can broaden our social circle (For more on this, see the TCF leaflet, Parents bereaved of an only child or all their children). Relationships We may not have been in a relationship when our child died, and we may remain this way. As difficult as this may be on several levels, including emotionally and practically, it can however allow us the space and time to grieve in our own way. Loneliness is hard, but solitude may allow us precious moments of reflection. If we later find ourselves in a new relationship, we will need to consider how and when we bring up the subject of our child(ren). If they were still alive, they would be a part of our life that our new friend or partner would accommodate. Although he or she (or they) is gone, they are still a part of us. We will continue to honour our child’s memory as long as we live. Their anniversary and birthdate will always be special; there will be many occasions when we will want to “keep them in the conversation.” It can be important to explain this early on in the relationship, and that our children are accepted as part of our new family, although not physically present.
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