Grieving for our child who had disabilities or complex needs

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk To be bereaved of a much-loved child is heart-breaking. We may have had a child with learning difficulties, physical disabilities, mental health issues, neurodiversity, multiple health problems, a lifelong disability, complex needs, or a disability following an injury or illness. We may have been grieving already, in some respects. We have already experienced the pain of watching our child deteriorate in health. They may even have made progress in their health on occasion. Now it can feel like this has been so cruelly snatched away from us. There may have been uncertainty in the lead up to our child’s death. It might have appeared likely or it might have been unexpected. Whether or not it was anticipated, it still might have come as a complete shock. We may have the sense that there was never enough time to say our goodbyes and create precious memories. The death of our child is an unspeakable, agonising loss with many layers. If we have been bereaved of our only child, our pain at the loss of our parenting role may be intense. We have been bereaved not only of our child, but also perhaps of hopes and dreams for the future. This is a massive loss to deal with. For those of us who bereaved of a younger child, we may find that we are also grieving for their shortened lifespan. Surely life could have held more for them? For those of us who have lost an older child, we will also be grieving their shortened life and the limitations they faced in that life. We may grieve for their unfulfilled hopes, such as not being able to have a partner and family of their own, or we may be grieving their absence alongside their partner and children. In spite of what others may have thought, our child was leading a full life, within their personal limitations. We knew that their successes may have looked different to other children’s successes. We had different criteria. Their health and happiness were our prime concern, and we