Grieving for our child who had disabilities or complex needs

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends perhaps overlooking the actual circumstances of the time. We did the best we could. We loved our child and gave them the best care that could be provided, and sometimes this required other people’s involvement. Some of our feelings may be quite conflicted. For instance, it might come as a partial relief that our child is no longer suffering, or that our lives are no longer constrained by their needs. It can be very hard to admit this to ourselves. There may also be some relief in looking to the future, as we will no longer have to worry about who will look out for them when we are no longer able to do this ourselves due to age, infirmity or our own death. If we have a partner, there will be some comfort in sharing our thoughts and feelings together, although they may be coping with our bereavement in quite different ways to ourselves. For single parents, it may feel that no one else understands what we are going through. We may also feel overwhelmed with the multiple practical issues we have to sort out after our child’s death. It can be a great relief to share such thoughts, whether we choose to reach out to close friends or family, or seek support from other sources such as counselling or through The Compassionate Friends (TCF) Facebook pages, online or in-person groups. It may help to write down how we feel or to read about other people’s experiences. We may also benefit from activities to relieve tension, such as creative work, exercise or relaxation.